Updates

So I'm sure as you can see I haven't posted in a couple of weeks, this is mainly down to the fact that once again I have been struggling to sleep.  This is something I have struggled with constantly since the event.

It's not so much staying awake all night it's more struggling to drift off then when I do waking up every couple of hours, I have been taking over the counter sleep remedies, using hot water bottles and even tried warm milk (rock and roll I know) honestly some nights it works others it doesn't.

As per my original post I am still trying to deal with things without medication, with the 1st year fast approaching this may be something that I have to consider, I don't know how I will deal with the situation.  I am proud of how I've dealt with it so far and my personal opinion is to try without the last thing you need is to become dependent on medication.

Something that recently really helped me was the programme Cucumber on channel 4, there was a line that really touched me:

"It's not my fault, I know I should say that and then hide away in a dark room and blame myself but it's not my fault"

That to me is everything, exactly how I've been feeling for this last year, and somehow hearing it made me feel a million times better. 

I've realised I do need to tell myself this every day.

Lauren xx

Mr Grey will see you now....

So before I start I want to say I have not yet seen the film I have however read all the books, so can only comment to a certain degree.

There has been a lot of controversy surrounding 50 Shades of Grey since the books release and it seems to have become even more to the forefront of the news etc with the release of the film.

Now when I read the books it was the first time I had ever read something classed as "erotic fiction" although I found the writing to be incredibly tedious I can't deny that I enjoyed them and did get a certain "thrill" from reading something of that nature.

The controversy surrounding the book seems to come from whether the BDSM relationship between Christian and Anastasia is consensual.  The first rule of a BDSM relationship of any kind is that it must be consensual and based on trust.  There are many passages where it seems this is the case however I do feel the lines have become slightly blurred within the way the relationship is portrayed, Anastasia seems to be uncomfortable and Christian continues, this may be the way it's written and that actually it is some kind of role play.  However, if this was a true Dom/sub relationship the Dom would be breaking the trust by continuing.

By writing this post I am not professing to be an expert I do however enjoy certain aspects of BDSM as I think most people nowadays seem to admit to, I am by no means "vanilla".  A lot of people in the community think 50 shades has shone a positive light on the lifestyle as people are more accepting, more willing to talk about it and in general bought it into the mainstreams conscious.  However some people feel the exact opposite, that now every Tom, Dick and Harry thinks they are kinky.

From my point of view anything that makes sex less of a taboo can only be a positive thing, sex is something that needs to be talked about, the more we hide it the more it becomes something that people are ashamed of and that should never be the case! One of the lowest rates of teen pregnancy is in the Netherlands where sex is in the public eye all the time, surely this shows that we as a nation need to change our opinions and outlook on sex in general!

What are your opinions? 

Lauren xx

Don't give up, do something!

So with today being pancake day (yes!) we spent today at work discussing what we would be giving up for lent. Now I'm not religious and haven't really ever done lent before (I've tried but usually cave a couple of days in!). We discussed the usual, chocolate, booze etc but none of us were that enthusiastic.

For me I don't drink excessively, don't smoke my one downfall is carbs but sorry that's my true love so that's a no go.  

Rachel who is on my team came up with a great idea, instead of giving up something for lent why not start something? 

Giving up something you don't really want to for 40 days and then doing that same thing again as soon as your allowed is pointless right? If you start something new your much more likely to carry it on afterwards so instead of giving up a bad habit why not start a good one?

I know this won't work for everyone as some people see it as a kickstart to stop smoking etc but I do think it's a great idea!

So here's mine, it may seem lame but I don't care, my best mate has started crocheting again and tried to teach me on Saturday, it's really therapeutic and definitely a great way to keep my mind busy, also awesome home made throws for the house.

So my new thing for lent is to learn how to crochet properly!

What will you start during lent?

Lauren xx   

Difficult times

This week has been a difficult one for me, when you are dealing with grief any special day, anniversary, stupid memory can make things difficult.  Wednesday was the first one of the new year.

It was an anniversary, it was a special date to me.

So to make sure I didn't just wallow around my apartment on my own me and my friend planned a date day to make it as nice as possible. Our plan was some shopping, afternoon tea and then the cinema. Like I've said before it's the little things.

We went shopping in Selfridges and I decided to treat myself to some new goodies from my all time fave makeup brand Illamasqua.  The team are always so welcoming and make me feel special whenever I go in.  I purchased the vintage metallix in Bibelot and matte lipstick in Disciple. I have been looking at both of these for a while so i finally took the plunge (will be doing a review soon).

For lunch we went to one of my favourite spots in Manchester for afternoon tea, Sugar Junction in the Northern Quarter.  We opted for the afternoon tea with prosecco, so for £19.95 each we got the choice of three sandwiches each, a scone (with jam and cream) lemon possett, macaroon, cake and a pot of tea! It was all absolutely gorgeous and i would highly recommend, they not only do gorgeous afternoon tea but main meals as well i was eyeing up the ladies opposite us who had sweet potato fries.

We went for a couple of cocktails around the northern quarter then to see Foxcatcher.  I really loved it, its not the most comfortable film to watch as the story is real and becomes quite awkward at points, however the transformation and performances of both Steve Carell and Channing Tatum are fantastic, I really hope this wins some gongs at the Oscars.

I had a really lovely day even though I had a cry when I got home, thats one thing that I have to remember crying is ok and i should allow myself to do it if I need to.  Keep moving forward and things will get better.

Lauren xx

25 facts about me....

So I did one of these on my old blog and I really enjoyed it so here it goes: 

1. I have 6 tattoos the most recent one is for me and my sister and is so meaningful.

2. Makeup is my true passion, I can't get enough of it.

3. Up until a year ago I didn't have close friends, now I have the best friends a girl could ask for.

4. My mum is still the coolest person I know, she has made me into the person I am today. I can only hope she knows what she's done for me. 

5. Even though my music taste has changed over the years, I still love some good old metal.

6. Eating out is one of my favourite things to do, and I'm so excited for all the new restaurants opening in Manchester this year.

7. My favourite makeup brand is Illamasqua, they always help me out when I'm looking for something new.

8. One of the best weeks of my life was Snowbombing festival in Austria, such an incredible experience.

9. I have 2 older brothers and a younger sister family is everything to me.

10. Films are a massive passion of mine, I love going to the cinema, and cannot wait for all the movies coming out this year....especially Star Wars.....yep I'm a geek.

11. I love fashion and clothes but still don't really know how to dress properly for my shape haha, I need help! 

12. I have been through a hell of a lot recently and I'm not really ok, but I am working through things and know I will come out the other end stronger than anything.

13. I am a massive fan of TV series, I am always at least one at a time (usually more than that!).

14. I love baking, I don't do it as much as I used to, but still a good cake is everything!

15. I have a dog called Travie he is my true love....the fact that I can't spend every day with him anymore kills me.

16. My weakness is crisps, I love them and could snack on them all day, either that or Chinese takeaway! Bad Lauren....

17. I love glitter and sparkles.

18. My plan is to travel the world, I gave up on that dream once before....never again.

19. Reading is my favourite, I love to constantly have a good book on the go.

20. My favourite film of all time is its a wonderful life.....if you've not seen it, watch it now.

21. I am super lazy, my bed is my favourite place in the world. I am trying to be more active this year!

22. Baths are the best things ever, lots of bubbles, relaxing at its best.

23. Mint choc chip is the best ice cream flavour, I'm a dessert fiend and always find a way to eat it.

24. I love the theatre and musicals, I used to do performing arts and I'm a complete drama queen in real life.

25. I'm really hoping that this blog can turn into something and that it will help people with there own personal journeys.

Hope this gives you all a bit more of an insight in to who I am, any more questions feel free to ask!

Lauren x

2014 my roundup

So even though 2014 was the most difficult year of my life, in so many ways it was the year that made me so in keeping with staying positive here's my roundup of 2014!

I reconnected with a friend of mine who I haven't spoken to in a very long, she is now my rock and there is nothing we can't accomplish together

I got even closer to my oldest and best friend, we have seen each other more this year than in the last 7 years and her being with me for my birthday was the best ever.

Me and my sister are finally friends!! We have gone through ups and downs, she was there for me when I needed her and let me live on her sofa for 2 months.....love these girls more than anything.

In April I went to Snowbombing festival in Mayrhofen, it was without a doubt the best week of my life, met so many amazing people, saw some of the most amazing acts all in a gorgeous setting.  Bring on SB15!!!

In July after spending a couple of months on my sisters sofa, I moved into my own flat, adjusting to living on my own after 5 years of living with someone had definitely been a challenge but I feel like it has made me, I have regained my independence and I am loving it!

For my birthday me and my 3 girls went to Amsterdam, it is without a doubt one of my favourite cities in Europe and being able to show my girls somewhere I love was pretty amazing, the atmosphere of the city always blows me away and it's somewhere I will always go back to.

The one thing this year has really taught me is to appreciate your friends and family, I have got so much closer to them this year an throughout all my tantrums and tears they've been there for me, 2015 is going to be our year.

Here's to 2015

Staying positive 

Lauren xx

Welcome!

Hi Guys!!

So i thought id start with a bit of an introduction into what this new blog is all about and what I am wanting to achieve with it.

So I had a blog cherrylovesit but couldn't keep up with it, for many reasons.  I now have much more time on my hands so plan to take full advantage of this.

Last year was the hardest year of my life, I lost someone who had been incredibly close to me for 5 years in a horrendous way, I will not use names and at this point I will not go into the details of what happened (mainly as I feel I need to build up to it).

This blog is going to be my personal journey with grief, anger, denial all the emotions I am feeling, I want to use it if possible not only to help me, but also others who have been through similar situations, one thing I have found is that there is very little online in the form of support for young people, doctors you have to wait months to see someone and the only answer is medication (which I have not opted for yet).

So in summary I am going to be posting about things that make me happy, makeup, food, travel, friends, family etc (the things that keep me going), and also how I'm feeling and how I'm moving through what happened.

If you have any personal questions I am happy to answer them and want to be here for anyone who needs it, I am not professing to be an expert and I know everyone's journey through difficult times is personal so please don't take my words as gospel.

Here's to 2015 and staying positive 

Lauren x